I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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