I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
