dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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