she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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