just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
