I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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