somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Do vagina's smell?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
