Will you blow on my dice?
Duck Duck Cougar?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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