My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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