Whats the glycemic index on semen?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
