Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
