You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The maid of honor just puked.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
