She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
