I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So vagazzling was a success
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
