Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
