just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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