i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
