Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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