In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I understand Curling. That high.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
