you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
