some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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