On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Are we still banned from the library?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
