I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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