Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
