Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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