im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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