You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
