God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
