I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
