there were more penises there than on chat roulette
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I think I just shit out all my problems.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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