I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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