So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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