Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
