somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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