Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
