Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
