woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
