Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
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Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
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Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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