My liver just broke up with me...
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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