Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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