Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
