I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
