Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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