Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
