dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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