ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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