I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
