I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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