so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
