i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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