dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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