I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
