If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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