so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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