I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
