sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
