I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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