From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
