I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
