Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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