Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
