i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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