You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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