She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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