wakey wakey hands off snakey
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
