yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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